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The following musing is from a private letter written to a Christian friend. He was companioning me through a dark time. The letter refers to "God nudgings," for I had experienced some odd events, over two days coming together, which indicated maybe the Spirit was trying to tell me something. I will address this matter of "God nudgings" after you read the letter.
First, read the letter as my invitation to you to overhear one piece of an ongoing sacred conversation. Read the letter as story, and it can say whatever Spirit wills you to "hear" through it. Then, we will proceed...
This getting out of God's way is like an exciting new venture to me. I, however, get confused about how to "hear" when to act or not. I get confused about when "God" or my "fear" or my "want to" is speaking. That confuses me more, for our "want to" can be a divine inspiration to act.
The question appears, "I know God is working, but when am I to act ...." The only conclusion I can come to is the Spirit will confirm beyond doubt, if I am willing.
I had to pray, "Or you trying to tell me something?" Or these little "God nudgings," allowed by my getting out of the way? I wonder. And inside all this is my belief that God is teaching me a more whole and surrendered way of living than I have allowed before. I have, indeed, so often been unwilling to surrender and trust, and far too often tried to manage and be "strong" ~ when I needed to allow myself to be "weak" before God and others.
Surely, I am trying to learn better that sometimes God needs the space to work, without well-meant interventions and help ~ which turns out, possibly, to be no help at all. Yet, love is active too. Jesus expressed his love openly, all the way to the Cross.
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The above letter reflects two matters: confusion and faith. Let us talk, first, about confusion.
Confusion is usually the path to clarity. The English "confuse" is from the Latin "to mix together." Confusion is, then, when things are mixed up, unclear, without apparent sense and order.
What do we want to do with being mixed up? Get rid of the mix as soon as possible. However, within the mix is the divine Will, we just do not see it, not yet. Sure, confusion often hurts, and it hurts more when we resist, when we try to convince ourselves of what we are not convinced about.
How can we be close with our Creator, when we are dishonest about our feelings? Do you think faking certainty is healthier than an honest doubting? Do we fake certainty, fearful that others will see us as weak and un-faith-ful?
Continued... |
